We are all given this thing called “Life” and with that great gift, there is never a manual accompanying it. We can gift material things and most of them will have some kind of instructions on how to utilize them, but life comes without instructions. I suppose your parents can teach you and provide you with the tools necessary, but they are winging it too. They don’t have all of the answers either.
Fast forward nineteen years later and I began dating a guy. We all know that dating can be fun and amidst that fun we can miss the signs given to us. But who knew we had to look for signs, clues of flaws, red flags screaming “Abort mission”! Who knew that was a thing at such an early age. That wasn’t taught, but again, how could it, when there is no manual. The roads were treacherous and even during those times I managed to find inner peace. Two beautiful children were given the gift of life. Yet still, there was no manual. How dare I give this great gift, when I hadn’t even found the answers to questions regarding my life? I didn’t have the answer for that either. My bundles of joy are apart of my crazy world and all I could do was figure it out. What does being a mom really mean? How do I provide for them? How do I take care of them? All of these questions were running through my head. I needed answers and yet there was no manual for that either.
Fast forward six years later and now I’m married with children. I had decided that marriage was the answer to curing all of the turmoil and open wounds accumulated in my relationship. We decided to put a bandage on our relationship. And marriage was the bandage. We for sure thought this was the key to fixing our problems or at least moving past them. So we thought. Yet still there was no manual to prove otherwise. As time progressed I learned more about myself. I began to love myself. I understood that marriage was not the answer. And all of the things that had occurred in my life, I hadn’t healed from. How do you heal? How do you unmask your hurt and pain without destroying all that you’ve worked so hard to put together? How can you convey this to your spouse without making them feel less than? More questions and still no manual.
Fast forward five years later and now I’m stepping out of my marriage with children. This was the hardest thing I could have done. I chose to entertain the idea that I wasn’t happy anymore and I was going to show it. I asked for a divorce, but of course like anyone else that has grown attached to someone or anything for that matter, you never want to part ways. So, that didn’t work. No I’m in full tantrum mode, like a child stripped of his/her favorite toy. Why is this so hard? Why can’t I just pick up and go? There were no for sure answers for these questions. Now here we are in a situation where I want out, but he’s not ready. In this instance of desperation I did the unthinkable. I begin to accept text messages from a guy that found me to be attractive and he was quite charming too. Still not healed, married wanting a divorce and pursuing a new relationship all in one instance. How can you be so cold hearted? Why would you continue your marriage if it had gotten to this point? Why on earth are you pursuing another relationship if you had not healed properly from the first? These questions were just a few that crossed my mind. And in spite of my desperate need for answers, there was still no manual.
Fast forward four years later and I am divorced, in a relationship and have four beautiful kids. I would have never imagined that life could be so complicated. As a child growing up, the adults around me made it look so easy. Life is a blessing and it is what you choose to do with that blessing that makes it worth living. I can say that I have learned a lot. I have shed many tears and I have laughed those tears away. I vowed that I would be open with my significant other. We would sit and talk; arguing would not be tolerated. We would set aside our differences and discuss what is in our best interest. As for the tantrums, well let’s just say, I’ve decided to leave that to my babies.
It was a journey, but I finally found my happy place. I had to be honest with myself and doing that caused me great loss. But if I had never taken a chance to do what I thought was right for me, I would have missed out on what I have gained. I have two beautiful children from my first marriage and I have two beautiful children from my relationship that I am in currently. My significant other has an older daughter as well.
Family Fused was created because not only are we bringing our families together, but he is Hispanic (Salvadorean ) and I am African American. I wanted to shed light on the day to day journey and life of a blended family. We have our ups and our downs, but there is never a dull moment. Life is what you make of it. And remember, there is still no manual. So, come along for the ride, you are sure to be entertained. I have so much to share on this exciting journey. What are you waiting for? LET’S GO!!!
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
Family Fused 